Things that make you go... Hmm

Why do some people preface advice by saying, "A word to the wise..."?

Do the wise really need your advice?

It makes more sense to only give advice to the people who need it and start by saying "A word to the fool..." so they know they should pay attention.

Poor Matthew's Almanac of Popular Wit & Wisdom

"If you do not show affection, how will anyone know you feel affection?" - Matthew Swope

Things that make you go... Hmm

Isn't it curious that the only honorable means to respectfully "retire" a damaged American flag is not to bury, discard, nor recycle it but to burn it? That's right.

Yet there are self-proclaimed 'patriots' who figuratively wrap themselves in that flag and aim to amend America's most fundamental legal document in order to forbid the burning of that flag by protesters, a right of expression which is protected by that very same document.

What exactly is the difference between the "respectful" burners and the "protest" burners? The result is the same - ashes where a flag used to be. The only difference is what they are thinking while they burn the flag and the statement they intend to make?

So what are the "patriots" trying to accomplish? To restrict public speech? To police our private thoughts?

What kind of government punishes its citizens for unacceptable statements and unacceptable thoughts? Sounds more like fascism, doesn't it? And I seem to recall us going to war with a couple countries like that.

Hmm.

Joke - Kings & Cons

If a king rules a kingdom, then what does a khan rule?
A condom?

Poor Matthew's Almanac of Popular Wit & Wisdom

If sex alone was as satisfying as sex with a partner
there would be a whole lot fewer of us around to do either.

Poor Matthew's Almanac of Popular Wit & Wisdom

One may join in battle those whom he would not join in friendship.

Poor Matthew's Almanac of Popular Wit & Wisdom

Stifling the expression of an opinion does not prevent the possession of it.

Things that make you go... Hmm

Can you be arrested for simply resisting arrest? Isn't that a catch-22? Entrapment?

I can imagine the police report:

We informed subject that we were placing him under arrest (but we were just kidding). Subject claimed we had no cause and proceeded to resist, at which point we had cause. We then informed him we were no longer kidding and proceeded to actually place him under arrest for resisting arrest.

Don't tase me, Bro!

A new slogan for a new generation of disillusioned, disenfranchised youth...

"Don't tase me, Bro!"

Click here to see the 2.5-min video.

A University of Florida student questioned Sen. John Kerry at an open mic following a public speech. When his questioning became more heated, police officers attempted to forcibly remove him from the building. He resisted, prompting at least one officer to draw his side-arm, as others ultimately wrestled him to the ground. The student continued to resist with cries of "What have I done? Why are you arresting me? Somebody help me!"

With at least one hand in handcuffs, possibly his feet, and half a dozen cops on him, he was threatened with a taser if he continued to refuse to cooperate, to which he responded, "Don't tase me, bro!" followed by screams of pain when an officer used a taser on him. To add to the absurdity, Kerry denies hearing the boy's screams in the back of the auditorium.

"Don't tase me, Bro!" will surely become an instant classic on par with "Can't we all just get along?" [Rodney King], "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit" [Johnnie Cochran], and "Is our children learning?" [GW Bush].

Poor Matthew's Almanac of Popular Wit & Wisdom

You cannot play poker alone.

Of course, this is not an original insight on my part. In the immortal words of a modern-day minstrel-philosopher, Kenny Rogers:

You got no one to hold 'em, no one to fold 'em,
No one to walk away and no one to run.

You got no one period! It's just plain lonely playing cards alone.

Things that make you go... Hmm

Can Two Positives = A Negative?

If "yeah" means yes, affirmative, or agreed and "right" means correct, true, or appropriate
then why does "Yeah, right!" mean no?

Things that make you go... Hmm

Things were difficult under Soviet Communism, but are they really that much better under Mafia-controlled pseudo-Democracy?

If the attractiveness of female tennis players is any indication, then the answer is a resounding yes.

Consider the stereotypical image of a Russian woman under Soviet Communism. The images we saw in American made them out to be something out of a Grimm folktale - a short, stout woman toiling in the dirt or waiting in a bread line, wrapped in a drab, gray-tone dress, a black kerchief covering her hair & tied beneath one of her many chins, in need of a professional facial waxing, and a leg waxing, and maybe some on... well you get the idea.

Now picture the Russian woman of today as exemplified by just about any modern tennis professional (eg, Maria Sharapova, Anna Kournikova, Maria Kirilenko, Anna Chakvetadze, Ekaterina Bychkova, Anastasia Rodionova), the plethora of recent fashion models from Russia, or the thousands of Russian mail-order brides advertised widely on the internet.

All things being equal, perhaps mafia-controlled corruption has at least one advantage over Soviet-controlled corruption. Hmm.

THEN: Nadezhda Belonenko, c1950 . . . . . . . . . NOW: Maria Sharapova, 2006.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Poor Matthew's Almanac of Popular Wit & Wisdom

If "the good die young" then what does that say for all of us over thirty?

Poor Matthew's Almanac of Popular Wit & Wisdom

The only way to teach love is to give love.

Poor Matthew's Almanac of Popular Wit & Wisdom

You cannot learn to swim without getting wet.

Poor Matthew's Almanac of Popular Wit & Wisdom

Learning does not require a teacher, but a desire.

Poor Matthew's Almanac of Popular Wit & Wisdom

Hope today may make tomorrow appear better than yesterday,
but only Action today will make it turn out better.